Intersections, gratitude, fifth grade math, and Jason Momoa

I went to an AA meeting last night in long island. this was a relatively "blue collar" meeting (god that felt sooo d00shtastic even writing it) but i haven't had enough coffee (or a better vocabulary) to get my point across, so....yeah. nor is this the place for me to be PC. ok so thats done, phew. blue collar and you get the point.. so i'm like a fluffly snowflake in a room littered with brass tacks and rusty nails. the beauty of the program, though, is that the feelings of community, companionship, of "like-ness" are literally palpable. everyone in there is the same. this is a judgement free zone. you might think that a snowflake like me melt into a (small / cute) puddle on the cement floor in a room of men and women like these. the men can actually grow beards (not like soft patchy ed sheeran-y whisps like me), and if the women were genetically predisposed to do so, they probably could too. and could probably grow one that would put jason momoa to shame. unless he was freshly shaven like they chose to do to him

do him Dune for some godforsaken reason I'll never understand....a cinematic castration if you ask me...but thats literally neither here nor there. but i'm not melting. i'm not even losing my cool (see what i did there?). because they are just like me, and i am just like them. i feel like i'm part of the group, and - to a T - they offer to shake my hand, (they're down with that out here - lets leave politics out of this ok?), and I gladly shake it in return. i am immediately a part of the rusty nail tribe and they are cool with it, and JF*C, so am I. in fact i'm f*cking stoked. i love it. i LOVE this feeling. and i'd been craving it so much. community, acceptance, and feeling "part of" is something that (i'm discovering) is so horribly underrated in (at least) the life I've chosen - in large part likely due to my own isolationist tendencies. in any event, the gentleman who shared spoke of a relatively benign and "typical" childhood and adolescence. i call him a gentleman because he was, and is, a Gentleman - capital G - in the way it Should be defined. quiet. graceful. content. polite. welcoming. authentic. warm. and with shoulder length hair, a backwards hat, beard, jeans, and construction boots. so there - i've given you a new way of how to think about the word gentleman, if nothing else. in any event, he spoke about how his partying years were fun. house parties, smoking joints in the woods, girls, budweisers (like, legit Kings, not snowflake BLs). i honestly can admit and with clear eyes as a sober man today that I wish i had partied with him. and that progressed through his 20's, with minor consequence. a few scrapes, some little dents and scratches along the way. but as life comes along, so rises the amplitude of the line chart of addiction. its slope doesn't change (at least for me it didn't). i imagine the line chart of alcoholism and addiction as like a line that starts in the lower left hand quadrant and continues to the top right - straight as a mthaf*cking arrow. as has been commonly accepted, alcoholism is a progressive disease. and it doesn't stop. if you've made it this far well congrats, you've made it to the stuffing and gravy of this potato (what?). enter life. enter marriage. enter kids. mortgages. bills. responsbility. so the alcoholism line has had its tremendously fun (and long) run, but its time as a free entity its quickly running out. bang. its run smack into another line on the chart, which for many, many years, has been hiding along the x axis - white as the fluffiest purest snow you can imagine. the Elsa of the bar chart. we'll call this the "responsibility" line. it has been laying like a crocodile with just two eyes above the surface for about 30 years now, just laying there in silence, and GD ready to strike. this line rises parabolically for everyone - at different times in their lives - but usually in their 20's and 30's - but usally with a slope greater than 1. it curves up FAST and herein lies the problem. on a normal person's chart, they don't have that steady drumbeat alcoholism line running from the bottom left of the screen to the top right. but for the rest of us - snowflakes, rusty nails, and all - the two lines intersect and....here's the interesting part. the respbonsibility line comfortably crosses through the alcholism line, continuing its atmospheric ascent....i mean lets be honest mine had been steadly chugging upwards and onwards for years now. BUT! enterrrrr stage left.....CHAOS everyone! (said in strip club voice in my head for some reason). now there's fights in the house with kids watching. there's missed housing payments. there is sadness. and the days of joints in the woods with zero repercussions are over. this is where "adulting" comes in. and as i listened to this gentleman share his story, i couldn't help but feel overcome with feelings of commonality, compassion, and grattitude. the last part because he is now 7 years sober. clear eyed, compassionate, welcoming and spending his time (for free), by giving back to newbies like me. hearing his story inspires me today to stay sober, and to find the inner peace that he has so clearly found in his life. higher power, God, call it what you will. to appease the woke we'll call it an inner peace. this gentleman had it, has it, and i'm just starting to find it. i have so many things to be thankful for today and i'm starting with this. that little ember of solace and content is starting to glow, and its guys like this out there that stoke that little flame - even just a little bit. i have a great life, a wonderful family, an INCREDIBLE wife, and the most beautiful little girl the world could have ever given me. today i am thankful to be alive, to be sober, to be fighting as hard as a little snowflake could ever try. thanks for listening and happy thanksgiving everyone.